


I'll see you in the stars

by hotelcortez



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Blood and Injury, Established Relationship, Gangs, Gunshot Wounds, Heavy Angst, I made myself cry with this, M/M, Sweet Lee Felix (Stray Kids), This is a painful one, even though it most certainly is not, felix just wants everything to be okay, felix phones chan as he's bleeding out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:47:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28884123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotelcortez/pseuds/hotelcortez
Summary: Felix doesn't want Chan to know that he's dying.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 58
Kudos: 177





	I'll see you in the stars

**Author's Note:**

> i literally don't know what happened this idea just came to me and i couldn't /not/ write it and omg i played some SAD music when i was writing this im so emotional
> 
> tw: death, blood, gunshot wound, gangs, very emotional boys. please stay safe, this is a work of fiction <3

Felix’s throat gargled as he clutched tightly to the phone.

It was slippery in his hand, his fingers spreading blood all over the screen and shaking as they tried to tap at the right buttons. His other hand was completely useless, pressed desperately against the wound salivating on Felix’s side.

He choked, tasting the unmistakable tang of something metallic between his teeth.

_No_ , Felix thought to himself, _not yet_.

He had to hold on for just a little bit longer, for enough time for him to finally click the right contact button and bring the phone to his ear. He just needed to hear one voice, to whisper one last name.

Felix cried out as he finally lifted the phone, his back flat against the concrete he was lying on and his injury crackling like it was tearing at very seams. Felix couldn’t help but think that was exactly what it was doing.

But Felix couldn’t let it get the best of him, at least not yet. He’d always promised them that he’d survive, that when they separated for missions, he’d always find a way to come back in one piece.

Felix knew he was about to break that promise.

But if he was going to break the promise, then he was at least going to make it right first.

The rest of the team were at the other end of the city, looting a rival gang’s territory whilst Felix distracted the gang and lured them away. Felix was never supposed to be seen, never even supposed to be more than a lookout that warned the others when the rivals were on their way back.

It hadn’t exactly gone to plan.

The sound of gunshots was still echoing through Felix’s ears, mingled horribly with the brutal sound of his screams and what sounded terrifyingly like his own skull bouncing off the floor.

He could still feel the bullets whizzing past him, barely even an inch from his face. It had practically gone in slow motion, Felix feeling his life flash before his very eyes. His feet had scrambled him into a sprint, pulling him back and forth down the roads and _away._

Felix knew he had a promise to keep, knew he had people to go back to, knew he couldn’t let himself be taken down. But he was without his team and dangerously outnumbered.

So, when Felix had stumbled into an alley that turned out to be a dead end, Felix knew there was no hope for him.

The gang had decided to make it slow. They’d said they’d wanted Felix to feel it, to be present for his every last moment. So they’d raised a single gun and fired a single bullet, watching as Felix crashed to the ground and sank into the floor, bleeding slowly and gradually with no one to come and stop it.

The gang had disappeared with their cackles and teasing, probably planning to slink back to their territory and celebrate their victory.

They wouldn’t be celebrating for long, Felix’s gang would rip them limb from limb, but he needed to die for that first.

So, Felix was lying on his back in an alley, gradually sinking in a pool of what he knew was his own blood. The red was everywhere; staining his clothes, his hands, the ground below him, covering every inch of everything he could see. It was suffocating and Felix knew he didn’t have long.

But the time Felix did have left… he was going to use it to do something important.

“Hyung,” Felix coughed into the phone, white-knuckling it with his bloody fingers, agony blazing all up his side with every tiny movement he made, “Hyung, please pick up, please pick up, _please hyung_.”

Felix knew he was begging. He hadn’t been reduced to begging in a long time, but he didn’t care. He needed to hear the one voice that could bring him peace, the one voice that would gently take him away, the one voice that Felix was about to destroy.

It was then that Felix realised.

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t listen to the crack in his boyfriend’s voice. He couldn’t listen to the sobs of his teammates. He couldn’t listen to their begs and pleads and prayers. He didn’t want to go that way.

So, Felix forced himself to smile, to look away from the ground and up to the clear, starry sky above him.

The Moon was hanging gloriously in the air, framed like a painting and beaming like a bonfire, casting beauty against the deep black sky that surrounded it. Felix almost lost himself to the glow, feeling the light drawing closer and closer…

Felix wanted to go to the Moon. He wanted to enter the Sun. He wanted to play on the clouds and jump through the stars and hang from bolts of lightning.

Maybe if he kept going to the light…

“ _Lix?”_

Felix jumped, having to bite back a cry of pain as the wound in his side seared at the movement, dragging him back into the cold air and throwing him back onto the ground in a brutal rush.

Felix’s head shook from side to side, his hair clinging to the sweat on his forehead. Not the light. He couldn’t enter the light.

_“Yongbok, are you there?”_

A tingle sizzled through Felix’s chest at the voice, his lips unintentionally pulling up into a pained smile despite the storm descending upon him.

“Minho-hyung?” Felix let the happiness leak into his voice, speaking into the phone that he pressed even harder against his ear, “What the hell are you doing with Chan-hyung’s phone?”

“Stole it,” Minho’s voice was light and mischievous, Felix could practically see the way he’d be winking at the words, “He’s loading heavy cargo into the van and I heard the phone ringing so I grabbed it.”

“Typical,” Felix put on his best exasperated voice, it was breathier than usual, his fingers curling even tighter against the wound in his side, “Did no one ever teach you not to answer other people’s phones?”

“Well, obviously not,” Minho chirped, Felix having to resist a snort as he heard the scoff of who was most likely Seungmin in the background, “And it meant I was able to answer the phone when you rang, so my bad manners helped out, didn’t they?”

_Yeah, they did,_ Felix thought to himself, _More than you’ll ever know._

“So, what can I do for you, my darling Yongbokkie?” Minho carried on, his voice still light and cheery, “Is there any particular reason you rang?”

Felix shifted to look down at the wound still leaking blood from his side, “No, hyung,” he said, “There’s nothing.”

The words hurt, making Felix wince and bringing more flames of pain scorching through him like bullets. He had to hold back a hiss, hearing all the shuffling from Minho’s end of the phone suddenly stop.

“Felix?” Minho said, his voice suddenly serious, “Are you sure?”

Felix forced himself to smile again, swallowing back the agony trying to claw its way out his throat.

“I’m sure,” Felix managed to say, proud of the way he kept his tone steady that time, “Just keep a look out for that other gang, okay? I haven’t… seen them in a while.”

Those last words were, at least, partly true. Felix knew he’d regret forever if he didn’t say them. His team needed to know how dangerous the other gang was, they needed to know that Felix had lost track of them. Even if Felix was in danger himself, he still needed to do anything, absolutely _anything_ , to make sure his team was safe.

“That’s okay,” Minho responded, his voice still unsure but his words steady, “We’re just on our way out of here now anyway. We’ll be coming to pick you up in a minute.”

A hand grabbed Felix’s heart, squeezing tightly with what felt like the strength of the devil. Felix had to choke back a sob, knowing that no matter how quickly the others picked him up, it would be too late.

They weren’t going to find Felix. They were going to find his…

“Okay, hyung,” Felix managed to say, unable to keep the tears from his voice as he tried to throw the thoughts from his mind, “Just don’t hang up, okay? Stay on the phone as you come… please.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Lix,” Minho immediately said, his voice hard, determined, strong in a way that Felix had always admired, “Can you please tell me what’s going on?”

Felix had to hold back another sob, shaking his head even though he knew Minho couldn’t see it, “There’s nothing going on, hyung.”

“Felix, there’s clearly something going o-”

“Can I speak to Chan-hyung?” Felix quickly interrupted, hating himself for doing it, but knowing he didn’t have any other choice, “Please?”

Minho’s voice hesitated for a moment, the determination fading out to something much more vulnerable. Felix swallowed at the silence, feeling his eyes sting with the beginning swell of tears.

“Okay,” Minho eventually said, barely audible as he spoke but his fear still mangling its way through the phone, “I’ll take you to Chan-hyung.”

“Thank you,” Felix said breathlessly, his chest rocking up and down a couple of times before he spoke again, “It was… it was really nice to talk to you, Minnie-hyung.”

The words left Felix like a thorned branch being dragged bloodily from his throat, leaving incurable scratches and screams in its wake, but Felix wouldn’t take it back.

Felix needed Minho to know he was grateful, even if he couldn’t explicitly say it. Minho was clever enough to work it out, he’d always know what Felix meant without Felix ever having to hear him beg or cry.

“It was nice to talk to you too,” Minho said, somehow sounding certain even through his confusion, it helped reassure Felix that, no matter what, Minho still loved him, “I’m sure the others would speak to you all at the same time if they could.”

Felix smiled to himself, “Yeah they would,” he said, blood leaking out the corner of his lip, “Tell them… tell them it would have been nice to speak to them too.”

The only response Felix got to that was the sound of Minho swallowing heavily at the other end of the phone, the pieces evidently coming together to form a horrible picture in his mind. But Felix couldn’t start panicking about it because suddenly Chan’s voice spoke up from somewhere in the background and the phone was handed over.

“Sweetheart?” his voice came.

The tears finally spilled over the edges of Felix’s eyelashes, stinging his skin as they trickled down the sides of his face and splashed into the ground. They formed a vile concoction of pain as they landed in his blood.

Felix almost lost it, almost gave in, feeling the pain start to sizzle brighter inside him, his shaking hand barely able to cover the wound anymore.

It was almost time. Felix could feel it coming.

But none of that mattered… none of that mattered with Chan’s beautiful voice speaking delicately in his ear.

Felix suddenly felt a morbid sense of calm wash over him, his limbs sinking further into the ground and his bloody hand falling to his side. He kept the phone to his ear, but he could feel it slipping from his fingers, slipping away just like Felix was…

“Lix, baby, you still there?”

Felix smiled a bloody smile at Chan’s words, his chest sighing in relief.

“Hey, hyung,” Felix said, his voice barely a whisper but still tingling with the indescribable love he had for Chan, “How was the mission?”

“The mission was fine,” Chan immediately said, sounding confused as he carried on, “But I’m more concerned about you. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Felix said softly, staring at the phone through his tears, “I’m just… happy to hear your voice.”

“I’m happy to hear your voice too, sweetheart,” Chan said, his tone lighter this time, ringing with its familiar trill of light. Felix almost beamed at the sound.

Chan’s voice had always been an extra comfort to Felix. His voice was honey. It was glitter. It was the sun and the moon and the universe and the reason Felix got out of bed in the morning.

Chan spoke words of gold, littered with specks of comfort and gems of love and droplets of perfection. He always knew just what to say, he always knew how to make Felix feel safe, he whispered his magic words into Felix’s hair and held him close and stroked his back and Felix never felt more calm or content in the whole world.

Felix could imagine Chan doing it now, could feel the warmth blanket him.

Even when he was dying, Felix still felt so treasured and so safe with that feeling.

“Are you alone?” Chan spoke again, the sounds of shuffling ringing out in the background, the familiar bumps and jostles of the whole team trying to pile themselves into the van, “Are you waiting for us to come and get you? We’re coming now.”

“Take your time,” Felix said, pulling his gaze from the phone to stare up at the sky, “Be safe on the way.”

“We’re always safe,” Chan said, his voice ringing out with something that almost sounded… hopeful, Felix felt his calm start to crack, “You’re safe too, right? You kept your promise and you were strong for us?”

The words burned against Felix’s ear, the sky blurring in front of him. He felt a lump form painfully in his throat, aching with all the sobs and sorrys Felix wanted to let loose.

But Felix still had to keep his promise. He had to be strong… until the very end.

“I’m always strong, hyung,” Felix said, his voice splintering at the edges, “Just for you. It was all for you.”

“I know how strong you are, baby,” Chan responded, his own voice shaking, “And, because of that, I think you need to tell me what’s going on. We’re coming to help you, okay? Now tell me, are you hurt?”

Felix cast another glance down at the red stained all up his side, at the open wound still growling fiercely. Felix felt its agony burn through him.

“I’m fine,” Felix looked away, back up at the Moon, “I’m exactly where I need to be.”

“We’re coming,” Chan sounded more desperate now, like he didn’t believe a word Felix was saying, “Whatever you’re saying, baby, whatever’s happening, just know that we’re coming, okay?”

“I know,” Felix said, his lips pulling up at the corners, “I know you’ll come, you always do.”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Chan said, almost sounding like he was trying to talk to a wild animal, his voice panicked and crazed but still somehow shining with all its love, “We always do come. So, you need to hold on, just for us. We need to see you when you arrive.”

The air blurred in front of Felix, the Moon glowing brighter, “I don’t think there’s anything left to hold onto, hyung.”

His voice faded towards the end and Felix found himself too weak to worry about the sudden panic on the other end of the phone.

“Baby, that’s not true!” Chan was saying, speaking fast and bright like the brilliant musician he’d always been. Another tear made its way down Felix’s face as he remembered that he’d always wished Chan had got to explore his music more, had got to be his true shining self and show his love to the world, not just to the hardened kids he’d taken under his wing.

Maybe they were all musicians in another life.

“It’s going to be okay,” Chan was still speaking, practically begging to the sounds of the van skidding around him, “It’s going to be okay, Lix.”

“It’s always been okay,” Felix managed to say, smiling as he stared up at the stars, “All of this… it was all okay. Never think any differently, okay? I never would have changed any of this, not a single second of it.”

The words were painful to say, but they somehow felt warm too. Even for Felix, even when his body felt so, _so_ cold.

Felix realised belatedly that he was fading.

“You won’t have to change any of it because we’re coming!” Chan carried on, Felix only just able to make out his words, “We’re going to be there for you!”

“You’ve always been there,” Felix said, his voice barely disturbing the quiet of the night, his words followed by a shallow wheezing breath, “I’m so thankful to you. For everything.”

“Felix, _no_ ,” Chan tried to say, his voice breaking unbearably, but Felix didn’t stop.

“I love you,” Felix said, the phone finally slipping from his fingers, “I love you so much.”

They were the last words Felix was able to say before his body succumbed to his weakness, his fingers flat against the ground and his wound barely leaking blood anymore.

He pulled in another breath, the oxygen barely reaching his lungs. The Moon bore down on him, getting closer and brighter by the second, slowly drowning out the panicked screams from the phone beside him.

Felix listened to his members, to the words they were saying, to the love they had for him, and he realised that he’d done the right thing.

He’d kept them out of danger.

They were going to be okay.

And it was with that thought that the stars finally faded away, Felix’s head tilting to the side and one last tear landing on his nose. He pulled in a breath, but it never finished. Felix felt his body getting pulled to the sky.

Felix missed, only one minute later, the squeal of tires echoing all down the alley where he lay. He didn’t move at the sound of frantically running feet, he didn’t move when his name was screamed with the force of a voice that could shatter glass, he didn’t move when knees crashed down right next to him.

Felix didn’t even move when his lover collapsed over him, sobbing into his neck and begging with his endlessly beautiful voice for Felix to please, please, _please_ come back.

**Author's Note:**

> soooooooooo........im really sorry
> 
> i genuinely dont know what happened. i have NEVER made myself cry with my own writing before and i just sobbed writing this. it's been a long, hard day and i think my brain felt the need to supply me with some angst. im so sorry for that
> 
> i hope you still managed to (somehow) enjoy <3
> 
> twitter: @hotelfelixxie
> 
> please stay safe, have a blessed day <333 xx


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